Humphrys harrumphing again

I don't listen to Today. Can't stand the sound of Humphreys and Naughtie, assuring us that they know how the world works. but I was glad to see newspaper reports of John Humphrys coming unstuck, as he seeks to put Johanna Konta in her place. "I seem to remember" he says, acting casual, "that the Australian high commissioner, when you won the quarter-final, said 'Great to see an Aussie win.' " (HEAVY HINT so you're not really British, are you?)

She laughs (I like that bit.) "I was actually born in Australia to Hungarian parents. But I've lived half my life here now, almost, so I'm a British citizen and I'm incredibly proud to represent Great Britain."

Could he graciously accept that he got it wrong, and back down? Of course he couldn't. He has to have another go. "You were, so I read, the 388th best junior in Australia. Now, normally, people wouldn't look at you and say "Ah, she is a future champion."

She laughs again. "That's not entirely accurate as well because, actually, I won the under-12s nationals in Australia when i was a youngster, so I was definitely one of the best in the country." All right, John? Had enough? You're so lucky she's relaxed enough to be amused by your rudeness, instead of smacking you in the face as you deserve.   

The fantasy world of SATs

Are you ready? Try this:

“The comma element of the semicolon should be correct in relation to the point of origin, height, depth and orientation. Where the separation of the semicolon is excessive, neither element of the semicolon should start higher than the letter ‘I’. The dot of the semi colon must not be lower than the letter ‘w’ in the word ‘tomorrow’.”   ( Guardian 11.7.17)

Not a far-fetched satire, but actual advice offered to markers of SATs for ten-year olds. Gove, in his infinite wisdom, decides it's crucial to get ten-year olds to spot where the semi-colon should go in an artifically constructed sentence. But just pinning the tail on the donkey isn't enough; the tail has to fit in with tight requirements, and must definitely face the right way. So tons of students who actually know where the semi-colon should go will end up not getting the mark, because their semi-colon doesn't match the examiner's ideal. if we were talking about monks illuminating manuscripts it would almost make sense, but every ten-year old in the country? 

The Final Test

So that's it. All over. And nobody wins. But you can't complain, after three rugby matches of that intensity. I'm not a Sky subscriber, never have been, and probably never will be. But in a crisis I'm prepared to cadge, and my friendly neighbour Gary's been happy to oblige. that was for tests 1 and 2. For 3, as it happens, he's committed to a stall in Wenlock, and i'm collecting for amnesty in Newport, on the 11.00 am shift. So there's nothing for it - I'm driving to Newport at 7.30 am, so that I can be settled in the Pheasant before kick off at 8.30, can watch the whole game, and then go and rattle my tin on the streets.

What a game. Yes, the All Blacks had the chance, fluffed three tries and missed two very easy kicks. We didn't really get close to scoring - apart from an intercepted pass that nearly gave them a try - but we kicked our kicks, we made our tackles, and we held out the best team in the world. The two tries the all Blacks did score were truly clinical - they just see what needs to happen, and then do it, very fast - but the Lions didn't collapse, did hold together, and this was pure drama - all of us held together, daring to sustain the dream that we could - despite the odds, against all probability - survive. And thanks to canny Sam Warburton inviting the ref to look at the TMO, and eccentric Roman Poite reckoning that maybe it's accidental offside rather than the other kind, the Lions do scrape through. (See The Luck of the Draw in Poems from the News).   

Keeping Families Together

The Brexit negotiations keep throwing up these tasty little ironies. Theresa May, in Brussels, reassuring worried Europeans: "I want all those EU citizens who have made their lives and homes in our country to know that no one will have to leave. We won't be seeing families split apart; people will be able to go on living their lives as before."

And she says all that with a straight face. For those of us who've been reading the papers over the last twelve months, there's never been a time when foreign residents in this country have been less secure. Lunatic deportations and threats, often involving people who've lived here for years and caused no kind of threat or trouble, and all because May thinks that the Leave vote was not only about immigration (rather than, say, money for the NHS), but was an endorsement of Nigel Farage rather than Michael Gove or Boris Johnson. One of the pleasures of watching her floundering about is the hope that her ludicrously punitive approach to immigration may get modified.    

Election Shock

Well, I didn't see that coming. but nor did Theresa May, Linton Crosby, the mainstream media or the tabloids - all of whom have been made to look much more stupid and less streetwise than they would like. It's exciting and positive, because it removes Brexit as "the last time the country decided anything." That depressing majority in favour of going back to the past is looking shakier by the day - and for the good reason that the kids have had enough of fogies fixing their future. It's not going to be easy or simple, but it could well get better, somewhere down the line, and it's a long time since I felt like that. (If you want my poetic analysis of what's gone on, see  The Bonfire of the Certainties in poemsfromthenews, elsewhere on this website. )  

Winning the Cup

Yes, children, of course winning is everything, but there's winning and winning. On Wednesday night Mourinho gives Manchester something to cheer about in a week when they definitely need it - but what a dire display. Not interested in possession, not interested in creating anything. Get a couple of goals from a lucky deflection and a goalmouth scramble, and then sit in the trenches, shooting them down. This hugely talented, expensive club is reduced to hoofing it up to Fellaini, in the hope that he can nod it on - if there's anybody that high up the field.

And now this. Oh my God. Arsenal, my favourite, totally exasperating team, have not only won the FA cup, they've done it by outplaying, outmuscling, even, the best team in the UK. Sure, they had a bit of luck with the first goal, but then Chelsea got one back and almost immediately Arsenal produced a winning goal of speed, clarity and class. If you put together a reel of the most exciting forward movements, there'd be more of Arsenal than of Chelsea. But there's also the spellbinding spectacle of wily old Per Mertesacker, who's played less than an hour of football this season, lasting the entire match at the heart of a defence constantly under pressure. It can't just be me that was moved by this. Mourinho and Wenger each have a cup to be proud of, but I know which achievement I admire most.

First among equals

I'm reading John Bew's Citizen Clem, a biography of Attlee. I knew he was good, but hadn't realised just how good. and while people are underestimating him, patronising him, he just gets on with the job of running things, and running them really well. Here's what he says about being Prime Minister: "The essential quality in a prime minister was that he should be a good chairman, able to get others to work together." Oh, boy. When did we last have someone who had half a clue what that meant? Bevan was moody and egotistical, but given the right context, could work miracles. Attlee gave him the right context, putting up with the showboating because he was getting a health service and a lot of houses. Meanwhile Theresa is being encouraged to think of herself as the supremo who cannot be challenged, who must suppress any thought or initiative unless it comes from her own limited circle. And Corbyn, who should by rights be more collegiate and aware, seems to have no clue how to hold a group together. It's going to be a stormy ride.

EU negotiation

Like everyone else, I haven't a clue how the EU negotiations are going to end up, but the initial omens aren't good. May seems to think she has to present herself as some cut-price Thatcher - prepared to be "bloody" difficult - ohmigod, the vicar's daughter swore. This must be serious. It fits all too well into our grand tradition of effortless superiority; we know we're better than these foreigners, so we don't have to take them seriously. Quite apart from manners of morality, this can't be the smartest way to get a decent result. I'm not sure precisely what the guiding spirit for negotiation ought to be, but - to borrow an expletive - I'm bloody certain it shouldn't be the Daily Mail.

Election

Oh yes, that's just what we need. Like the rest of the country, I'm with Brenda, gobsmacked and incredulous that they could really be putting us through all this again. Tactically, it makes perfect sense, but I'd really rather not have Theresa May telling me that the country is united after Brexit - it's just a few moaney MPs who are getting in the way...And the most serious threats are hers (which of course is why she wants a bigger majority, so she can tell some of them to get lost). and for those of us who fear the Tory right who's the best bet to curb their power, if only a little? You've got it. A more secure Theresa May. 

And then there's the deeper depression, of our lunatic system which doesn't match seats to votes, but disqualifies huge numbers of voters across the country from having any effect at all. and there's the rules, like the rules on spending, which the Tory Party and the Leave campaign have both systematically broken, without this apparently making any difference to the result. How can we possibly treat this ramshackle system with any kind of respect? And then there's the media, who did such a great of covering the Brexit debate. There's a few sane voices, like Gina Miller, trying to inject some kind of rational sanity into this mess, but i have to admit I'm not hopeful. 

E-mail to an MP

My MP Philip Dunne sends out an emailed newsletter to his constituents about what he's been doing. It is, without exception, purposeful and positive, like you'd expect, looking on the bright side. This week, he reports on Brexit, and what he hopes to see. What he doesn't comment on are the obstacles to its achievement, which is surprising, since they're influential members of the party to which he belongs. Here's my reply:

 Philip, hi. Thanks for your newsletter, constructive and optimistic as ever. I’m delighted to hear that you want a positive relationship with Europe, access to EU markets and protection for EU citizens. So do I. But what he have is government ministers making ignorant and threatening noises, a jingoistic approach to negotiation, and official hostility to anyone in this country who wasn’t born here. The shameful retreat over the Dubs amendment was bad enough, but yesterday’s walk-out sulk by Brexit MPs from the Parliamentary select committee suggests that you’re going to have to fight for what you want. Good luck.   

Breaking Point?

This is the title of the poetry booklet I launched in Much Wenlock this evening. It was a gorgeous night, though the attendance was small - as ever, there was a long list of people who really would have liked to come, but...what mattered is that those who were there did want to come, were interested in the poems and the issues, and stayed to eat, drink and talk about them.

The poems are all about migration. The idea was to look at migration from various angles - historical, geographical, psychological and political. there's a tone of research that's gone into this - thorough reading of the Guardian most days (and the filing system that results from that) as well as books and TV programmes. There's even a poem called "Chorus of the Trolls" using some of the tweets received by Lily Allen and Gary Lineker.  

I know I'm not like most poets. I'm happy to make use of information - sometimes in some detail; I like regular forms - so there's sonnets, a ballad rhymed couplets and a villanelle; and i'm not shy about political commitment. I think the Farage side of the leave campaign was despicable, and am strongly opposed to the explicit hostility to migrants which has resulted from the campaign. So there. I'm not, of course, on the front line, but Wolverhampton city of Sanctuary are, and the booklet is being sold to raise money for them. £72.00 in the first week, which is not a fortune but is better than nothing. 

Say sorry

Oh dear. Katie Hopkins is going to appeal against the judgement which says she slandered Jack Monroe. Hopkins' problem was that she muddled up Jack Monroe and Laurie Penny, assuming that since they were both anti-austerity then they must be OK with defacing a war memorial. Monroe comes from a military family, would never dream of defacing a war memorial, and throughout the case has offered Hopkins the simple, honest and inexpensive route of making an apology. 

Say sorry? How could she? It's only human nature to mix up similar people. And anyway, "there is absolutely no evidence that anybody believed the tweet I wrote." It didn't happen, or it was someone else, or it doesn't matter anyway. Anything at all, except "OK, I got it wrong."

She reminds me of kids I used to teach, volatile teenagers who assume that admitting anything is intolerable - lie, run away, or escalate the conflict, but never, ever, back down. And looking across the Atlantic, there's another figure with a serious case of the same affliction - any chance of hearing from any of his teachers?

Tunnel vision

You couldn't make it up. In response to the SNP's revival of the independence issue, Theresa May  tries to put them in their place: "The tunnel vision that the SNP has shown today is deeply regrettable. It sets Scotland on a course for more uncertainty and division. Politics is not a game."

So true. But it has been, to the Tory leadership over the last three years. Scottish independence, the election, Brexit and its fall-out - all of these major decisions have been approached as though short-term selfish advantage was the only thing worth aiming at. If you want some sense of the reality of other views, of Europe as a whole, or of the UK as a whole, Sturgeon has shown more vision than Cameron, Osborne and May rolled together - let alone Johnson and Gove. There was never a time when we were in greater need of someone taking a long-term dispassionate view of how we might best plan for the future, but none of the voices providing that are members of the current government. 

Over the cliff with Brexit

So if I'm going to claim to be an informed citizen, I ought to grit my teeth and watch the Brexit documentary. So glad I did. Nothing much there to cheer me, but I feel wiser, and clearer in my mind.

First off, we do not want a second referendum. Well, we might want the vote, but we certainly don't want the campaign - and the rage and spite of Brexit voters denied their due. It was sad to watch the Lib Dem man struggling to convince Leave voters that most young working migrants don't come to these shores to claim benefits. he's spoken to the migrants and these people haven't, but they've read the Daily Mail and they know they're right.

The real horror show, though, was the MPs. Johnson, Gove and Davies were cheery and bullish, confident that everything would be fine despite clear evidence from the programme and their interviewer that it might not be as simple as that. The Eu can't afford for us to end up better than we were; all EU negotiations take for ever, and are cobbled together at the last minute; substantial identified groups in the UK are going to suffer badly from this deal. So what? They know they've won, and their whole background and identity tells them that blustering through and sounding confident will be enough. Theresa May feels she has to honour the result of the vote, but the vote was always a lie - "Hey, let's just do it!"  We can't just do it. It will be complicated, and if the people in charge of our side of the negotiations think it's simple then it won't end well. We'll get a choice between a lousy deal and no deal at all, and what happens then? 

Morgan and Farage

Yeah, OK. I should have known. Piers Morgan and Nigel Farage, on screen together for an hour; how can that possibly end well? But I just thought, it might be an interesting take, a different view. Sadly, no. There was a brief moment when they really were at loggerheads, simultaneously shouting at each other with Farage, as ever, relying on bluster to get him through. But Morgan's chosen battleground was "eccentric members of UKIP I have known", which wasn't the point, and which Farage rightly dismissed. the point is the social consequences of Farage's rhetoric, the people who get beaten up, even killed, as a result of promoting "Britain First." We didn't get much about that.

What we did get was Morgan's fantasy, that one day Trump might be in charge of america, Farage in Number Ten, but "Where's my gig in this?"  widespread laughter, and applause. This, after all, is about celebrity vanity, and how good and witty we look. I shan't make the same mistake again. 

Pinching it at the Death

Remember the rugby World Cup? On top, having had the best of the game, and then in the last five minutes a simple defensive miscalculation lets them in, and we've lost, and we're out. and on the basis of that one error England are branded failures and Stuart Lancaster is on his way.

What a difference a change of managers makes. It's Wales v. England again, a tense, tough, bruising match, and with less than five minutes to go Wales are in control. They have the ball, they ought to kick it into touch, but no, they boot it down the pitch. It doesn't immediately look like a massive error. But with superb efficiency Ford catches, sends a huge pass to Farrell, who send a huge pass to Daly, who steams past Cuthbert into the corner to score. It really was as smooth and clinical as that, and talking about it afterwards none of the England team sounded surprised. They're used to winning, and they think very clearly about how that can be done. Treasure Eddie Jones while he's here. England won't get another coach like him, not in my lifetime.  

Reality TV?

One of the gains from Netflix has been House of Cards - the American version, hugely superior to the arch English original. It's fast, complicated and stylish, although at times I worry about the way the appetite for cliff-hangers and sudden reversals simplifies the politics. The devious Underwoods betray their way through Washington, overruling expectations and loyalties, cutting any corners that get in their way. Putin apparently admires the series as a picture of how Washington works, but it can't be as simple as that. Can it?

Apparently it can. Trump foresaw possible delays to his plan to ban any immigration from seven Muslim countries. Some of the departments involved might have raised objections, referred to legal obstacles. so he just does it. doesn't tell them, doesn't actually prepare what needs to happen if the measure is to be effective. Announce it, publicise it, and pick up the bits later. The Underwoods got the Attorney General sacked because she stood in the way of their schemes. Couldn't happen, I thought. Oh yes it can. The Attorney General Trump inherited tells him what he's doing is illegal - so whoosh, she's on her way. Welcome to the new real world.  

The Will of the People ?

You have to feel sorry for Jeremy Corbyn. This is the worst time in the history of the world to be leader of the Labour party. He never wanted to lead anything, and for good reason - he has no sense of organisation, of how things need to be presented to get people working together. He's honest and oozing with integrity, but to me his three line whip on Brexit looks like madness.

There's a kind of noble rationality to it, that you honour the result. Just like you hope the opposition would have honoured the result (although a second's reflection tells you that they wouldn't, ever. The seething hatred would have multiplied). There's a lot of disillusioned ex Labour voters out there, but are they going to be won back by a leader who doesn't seem to mind much either way - but who is passionate that there don't need to be any controls on immigration?I don't think so.

And the counter argument is so strong. The referendum was a huge mistake, badly conceived, and lousily campaigned - on both sides, not to mention endless failings from the media who covered it. As a result of that we're facing an irrevocable change which will cause us damage for years to come - if i'm a Labour MP who believes that, and who knows that most of my constituents believe it, why on earth would I vote in favour? 

Gina Miller

Gina Miller is simply amazing. She has a clear, rational commitment to an ideal, which is impressive enough for a start - and increasingly rare. She's got courage and consistency, and is prepared to back them with her own money. But what's astonishing is the fortitude with which she faces the tide of abuse which greets her efforts. If you wanted a strong argument against Brexit you might well pick the way in which it's lowered the tone of public debate. She has every reason in the world to give up, get angry, be abusive back, but no. It's not about her, it's about the principle, so that's what she concentrates on, regardless of what's thrown at her. Like I say, I'm amazed. But also grateful. We could do with more like her, and soon. 

Priorities

Interesting little story in today's Observer, not given massive prominence, but to me a sign of the times. A new poll finds that 18-34 year olds believe that reducing immigration is the least important issue Theresa May should focus on as she prepares to take the UK out of the EU.

Well, kids. What do they know? It is actually their future that we're fixing, but canny politicians know that more of the fogeys vote than the kids, so it's their choices which actually have clout. From the mess that was the LEAVE campaign, Theresa May has selected "reducing immigration" as the bit that counts (rather than, say, "spending more on the NHS"), but what she's also doing is favouring the preferences of people who won't be around to pick up the pieces. This is, in the words of the poem

"..the little island in the west
where the old outvote the young."