Special Pleading

Life’s hard for Dominic Chappell, and something’s got to give;
They’re going to repossess the home in which his parents live.
From his recent acquisitiion of a well-known company
A cool one million and a half is borrowed, interest free.
The company was BHS, he bought it for a quid.
Did Dominic make a profit? You bet your life he did.
He took out seventeen million pounds before it all caved in;
Eleven thousand lost their jobs; for him it was a win.  
(Though Dominic’s just a learner compared with Philip Green
Who took five hundred million – but he was really keen).
Administration meetings attempt to track their wiles
And Dominic attends them with his boxes full of files.

So is he really helping out? You’d think that’s only right
But he’s juggling his assets so they vanish out of sight.
The firm that bought up BHS has been put out to grass:
Now you see it, now you don’t – it’s magic; or a farce.
The housing loan was something that he didn’t tell MPs
But now security for that is, strangely, Portuguese;
The finance of his parents’ home’s a matter for his Pa –
“I don’t discuss it with him, so that is where we are.”
The cash he got from BHS is difficult to track
But one thing you can count on: he won’t be paying it back.  

Until, one day, a tragedy: there’s trouble with the law.
He’s driving through a forty zone and he’s doing sixty-four.
The speed cops pull him over. Which story will he tell?
“I used to drive a racing car”, says Dominic Chappell.

In court he’s acting contrite. He asks to be excused.
He took a train to London once and found himself abused.
He’s two miles from a bus-stop, and twenty from the train
And carrying all those boxes would be a fearful strain.
He can’t afford a chauffeur, this impecunious wretch,
And paying for a taxi would be, he says, a stretch.
His wife, alas, can’t drive him. She’s busy, as a rule,
And drives a hundred miles a day to take their girl to school.
His lawyer earns his money. He makes a special plea –
These instances of hardship should let his man go free.
There’s ten points on his licence before he goes to court.
Special treatment? Hardly. He needs a moment’s thought.