How Green was my pension?

Sir Philip Green is hoping that
A buyer can be found;
The mug who takes on BHS
Can have it for a pound.
The mug sneaks out four million more
Before it goes to hell
A mere drip in the ocean
Says Dominic Chappell.

What happened to due diligence?
What did the audit say?
The docile chairman was well paid
To look the other way.
The guys at Coutts saw nothing wrong
But they’re not hard to please
Price Waterhouse were nodding
As they hoovered up the fees.

There’s twenty thousand pensioners
But it’s a shrinking pot;
Trustees tell Green his profit
Is cash they haven’t got.
In fifteen years he bleeds them dry
Ignoring what they said
From 40 millions in the black –
Six hundred in the red.

So many catwalk photos
Of the big man at a show
He’s like a magnet for the girls;
What is it we should know?
He’s wedged between the models
With that guilty schoolboy smirk.
For him, he’s got the candy jar;
For them, a job of work.

Blair recognised his talent
With a knighthood in ’06,
Cameron thought expenditure
Was something he could fix.
While Green was hogging headlines
And posing for the hacks
Tina was in Monaco
Not paying any tax.

Being rich does not come easy
Green’s lifestyle costs a lot
There’s forty million for the plane
A hundred for the yacht.
And then there’s all the interest
They’re paying to his wife
She loans them cash at 8%
So she’s set up for life.

She met him at a party
A dreadful man, she thought.
He’d not heard of her business
And besides, he’s not her sort
But then, another party -
She sees his tie’s not straight
Just reaches to adjust it
And that gesture seals her fate.

She cooks for him, she folds his clothes
But though she’s warm and nice
She’s still his business partner, he
Relies on her advice.
The UK doesn’t value graft
Jealousy’s run berserk
The secret of their joint success,
She says, is just hard work.

MPs select committee
Is a court for kangaroos;
He’s even worse than Maxwell,
He’s evil
, says the news;
Maybe he’ll lose the knightood
The pension fund’a a wreck
He says he’ll fix it, fix it:
They’re still waiting for the cheque.